Hug,Blow,Smooch,Kick and Lay
by Sabby1
Summary: There are petitions out there demanding to hug Lex, blow Clark, smooch Chloe, kick Lionel and get Pete layed and I thought 'heck, why not*shrugs*' have fun R/R please


Title: Hug, Blow, Smooch, Kick and Lay  
  
Disclaimer: If anyone out there is really crazy enough to believe that anything coneccted to Smallville belongs to me, they should be committed and brought to Arkham ('s the only loony bin I know right now *g*)  
  
Spoilers: Anything up to current eppy's fair.  
  
A/N: Okay I think it is only fair to tell you before I write this, that I am high as a kite right now on sugar and errr other nice things. So please don't think I'm permanently insane or something, though, that could be a reason, too. Anyway this just jumped into my fuzzy mind right now, cause I'm stuck on my other fic at the moment and I'm high and I browsed thru my fave fansites and there is this one demanding to give Lex a hug, and now and several sister sites, that demand to and I quote: "Blow Clark now; Kick Lionel's ass now; Smooch Chloe now; and finally Get Pete laid now!" So given my present condition I figured, what the heck, why not and decided to do it in a fic. So this is me, using writer's freedom to burst into smallville, giving the respective persons what they seem to need. Don't blame me for any typos and weirdness in this piece for I am still floating above things like grammar and spelling. Link to the site is at the bottom and now I take a dive into the gutter!   
Killing the engine of my shiny, blood red Spider convertible '99, I open the door and step out on the sidewalk in front of the Talon and feel a wicked smile spreading over my face. 'This is gonna be fun' I give my reflection in the window a quick once over. Wild flowing, pitch black hair with pink and purple streaks, check. Nose ring and cube shaped tongue piercing, check. Tight fitting, black leather corset with enough cleavage to ensure an instant hard on, check. Body hugging, black leather pants, check. Biker boots, check. All covered by an ankle length black leather duster, perfect!   
  
Flipping my hair over my shoulder I enter the Talon, heading straight for the counter. I give Lana a look that spells 'die bitch' and order a café mocha to go. 'Mental note to self: come back sometime and give the fairy princess a piece'. Taking my beverage I turn around, scanning the crowd for my first victim.   
  
There she is, sitting in a booth, typing away on her laptop, absorbed in the latest freak of the week thing I bet. A broad grin splitting my face I stride over to Chloe giving her a short check, 'nice enough, I like the style'. Setting my cup on the table in front of her I catch her by surprise and yank her out of the booth, pull her flush against me and give her the best French kiss of her short life. Showing her what you can do with a tongue piercing and natural talent.   
  
After a thorough exploration of her mouth with my tongue and teeth I place the stunned and for once speechless girl back in her booth and give her a dazzling smile. Picking up my coffee I turn to leave, when a thought strikes me.  
  
"By the way, I really think you should ditch the farm boy and go lay the billionaire, you both need it!" winking at the now fish mouthing Chloe, I turn again and, passing an even more stupid than normal looking Lana, leave the Talon in long strides, get into my car. I drive off, heading for the Kent farm. 'smooch Chloe, done!' Grinning I floor the gas pedal and speed along the cornfields towards my next victim. Clark Kent is in for the ride of his boring I-so-want-the-fairy-princess-but-can't-and-even-worse-I-am-an-alien-and-probably-gay life.  
  
Arriving at the farm a few minutes later I check my rub proof dark red lipstick in the rearview mirror and get out of the car, heading for the barn and this lousy loft described as the Fortress of Solitude. Heck that Loft has more visitors than my psych class, where's the solitude in there?   
Shrugging it of I spot him hanging out on the couch, staring fixedly at the ceiling. Probably contemplating the chances of Lana getting the hint and screwing him versus the chance of the world deciding to take a turn right.  
  
Rolling my eyes, I stroll up to him, straddling him quickly. He sits up shocked out of his reverie and starts to push me off his lap, before his eyes fall on the pendant adorning my cleavage. A drop shaped ruby-like stone, only it's red kryptonite. Leaning forward and pushing my breasts against his chest I lick my lips suggestively.  
  
"Relax honey, and enjoy the ride. I'm here to give you something good." I remove the chain with the pendant from my neck and put it around his. The Clark Kent version of a sexy seductive smile is already starting to form and he makes no move to push me away, so I continue.  
  
"Lay back and let me do this for you, will you honey?" Intertwining his hands behind his head he looks at my appearance and lays back on the shabby thing that acts as a couch.   
  
"Feel free." He gives me his best should-be-bad-ass smile and I heave a sigh and get to work. I run my hands down his chest and over his abs. When I get to the waistband of his jeans and run my fingers mere inches under it over the skin beneath, the wanna be bad boy shudders and bucks up. 'still virginal as ever, no matter if under the influence' I don't even try to suppress the snicker that comes out of my throat at that thought.  
  
Bending down I open the button with my teeth and proceed to pull the zipper down the same way.I strip down his pants to the ankles. 'Checkered boxers, who'd have thought' I roll my eyes again but pull the style offending garment down anyway. 'Now here's a candy'. Long, thick and hard to the border of pain already and I grin. 'Oh yeah, in for a ride, and it won't take more then a minute I bet.'   
  
Swirling the tip of my tongue over the head and dragging the cube of my piercing lightly over the slit there, I get a full body shiver. 'Too easy' Not wanting to drag this out longer then strictly necessary, I swallow him in one quick move and start sucking hard. Dragging my piercing along the sensitive underside on every move up, I hear him make those almost ridiculous whining and begging noises. Not a minute later he shoots and I swallow. Crawling back up, I give him a deep kiss, letting him taste himself.   
  
'Weird thing is, I'd have expected him to taste different, he's an alien after all, well, whatever!' As I break the kiss I take my necklace back and leave him laying there, with his pants and boxers around the ankles, totally spent and himself again. I blow the sated and thoroughly confused alien farm boy a kiss from the steps and leave the barn to go on with my schedule. 'Blow Clark, done; and boy was that a no go for the taste factor'   
  
I pout as I get back into the Spider, heading for Smallville High, or more specifically the training ground for the football team. I find my next victim doing push ups on the ground with the other jocks. Sighing I saunter up to an unsuspecting Pete and clap him on the shoulder on an up push. He looks like I'm an alien 'nope just a person who blew one' and gets up. Yikes he's smaller than me, makes the next move even easier. I look down and give him my best I-really-want-to-do-something-good-for-you smile.  
  
"Honey, I know you probably wonder what a strange city girl like me wants from you, well if you wanna find out, come with me. I think it's better to do this away from an audience."  
  
"Ooo kay." He strings the word out and gives me another weird look, probably already contemplating if I'm the next freak of the week.  
  
"Trust me, I have something that you want." I precede him to the hall to the boys locker room. Once we're out of eye and earshot of the jocks, I pull a small card out of the left pocket of my duster.  
  
"Here, this is Michelle's. It's a nice little establishment just out of town. I have arranged a free shot for you. Pick any of these girls you like. It's all been sorted and you have a free go."  
  
I put the business card in the sweaty hand of a confused, staring and gaping Pete, clap his shoulder once more and leave him standing there, striding back to my car. HEY what did you think??? I'm not that high! The guy's got to be at least taller than me!  
  
'Now to the next two on my list'. Heading straight to the Luthor mansion at a break neck speed I smile at the knowledge of what is to come.  
  
I park my car a few meters away from the entrance to the driveway and walk the rest of the way. Climbing over the gates and entering through the Kitchen entrance I am not surprised to find no one coming to stop me. 'That boy really needs to work on the security of this place. A horde of pink elephants could waltz in here and nobody would notice!" I snicker at that mental image as I make my way up to the second floor.  
  
First victim is of course going to be Lionel and I find him in the library, sitting in an overpriced leather chair staring off into nothing, cane by his side. 'Still pretending to be blind the sick little shit' Wonder over wonder he didn't hear my entrance. Grinning like a mad woman I waggle my eyebrows and silently pick up a vase 'probably Ming' standing on a small socket beside the doors. I shrug of the notion what I'm about to do with a piece of ceramic that is probably worth more than my entire property, and haul it in the general direction of Lionel's head  
  
"Watch it Stevie!" And he rears back in the last moment before the vase connects with his head, so it shatters on the floor a few feet away from him instead.  
  
"Who are you" indignant, boy he's good at hiding his fear. I give him a leering grin.  
"I am the ghost of Christmas past." I answer in a booming voice. "Nah," I go back to my relaxed, casual tone "I'm just some crazy ass bitch who adores your son and is gonna beat the living shit out of you." And I give him my bestest of the best charming daughter-in-law-to-be smile.  
  
And he actually gapes for a second, before the masks drops back in place. "Oh and how pray tell are you going to achieve this young lady?"  
  
He's probably alluding to his monkeys and especially Dominic. Too bad I have them sent to Metropolis on a special mission to buy a golden toothbrush with red fish swimming in it right this moment that I think about it.  
I flash him a grin, complete with teeth and dimples. "Well for starters I'm going to hurl a few random things at your head that unfortunately will not all hit their target, seeing as you're not blind anymore. But you're still limping which is good, cause thus I'm still faster then you. Then I'll probably catch you off guard in a good moment and proceed to use a few drop dead neat Matrix moves on you, before I slow down to simple street style beating the crap out of you. But before I do that…" I pause, taking in his growing confusion over finding himself rooted to the spot 'Ah writer's freedom'.   
  
"I feel like I should give you a piece of my mind before I shove my boot so far up your ass that you can chew on it." He actually gapes at that for the whole of two seconds, before his mouth clamps shut and forms into a thin white line, his eyes glaring daggers at me. I just grin some more.  
  
"For instance, do you really think this qualifies as a good haircut for a business man? I mean you look like a left over from the sixties or better yet a leftover from the sixties who now is a beggar and was put into an expensive suit just for the hell of it. And do you really think that the look you pull of is intimidating? Hell my Grandmother could give you a better evil eye when she was cheated at during poker!" 'She really can and that just makes me shudder'   
  
"And what about your asshole attitude towards your son? I mean hell, you claim you loved his mother and he is the only thing left of her in this world, yet you treat him like a bug you want to squash. The lectures you give the poor boy, no wonder he'll set out to destroy the world some day! Another thing, why can't you say straight out what you mean, it's not like it was necessary to put your messages in a nice wrapping of greek mythology when the last dork could read the threat between the lines. And spying on your own son, because you are scared shitless he'll overpower you in one lousy deal, how lame is that?" I take a deep breath and glare at Lionel who tries to talk back but fails utterly thanks to lil old me. Sticking my tongue behind my upper front teeth and sucking a little I contemplate my next words.   
  
"And what the heck is it about you lusting after women that are taken? Not man enough to find someone for yourself, afraid you could get attached? I mean first Victoria and now Martha Kent, please" I string out the last word emphasising my disbelief. "Or is it a habit of you to be the second, rather then the first when it comes to personal relationships? Whatever." I wave of that last thought my fuzzled brain spat out.  
  
"You know what? I'm really tired of you. You are not even good enough to be called a bastard. And the devil? Well maybe you have some of his trades, but let's face it, you'll be second best in that , too, if you keep on pushing your son like that, he'll outgrow you and destroy you with a shark smile and a shrug, before moving on to take over the world with one hand and sip a brandy with the other." That said I give him a chance to move and he launches at me as best he can with his limited abilities and it takes me no more then two hard blows to his face and gut, before he doubles over in pain and I give him a hard kick in the ass, sending him flaying and crashing down against a table in the far corner of the room, unconscious.  
  
"Man, that was good, I should do this more often!" grinning, I head for the study down the hall, for my last but definitely favourite 'victim'. I crack my knuckles before swinging the double doors open and entering the large room, facing Lex, sitting at his glass table behind a laptop looking up at me intrigued and just *this* side of shocked. A true smile forms on my face  
  
"Hi honey, I'm home." 'God I always wanted to say that' and my smile widens incredibly.  
  
"So I see, and who are you?" He gives me that challenging look and trade mark smirk and I have to remember not to melt.  
  
"Oh, just the silly bint who kicked your father three times to next Sunday about two minutes ago and is now here to give you something that will hopefully help a little." And I step closer to his table while he stands up and moves in my direction disbelief and curiosity in his eyes.  
  
"I beg you pardon?" he doesn't believe me, I expected that.  
  
"Oh you can see for yourself if you want, he's still lying unconscious by the table in the library. But that is not so important now, cause I don't have much time left, seeing as you are my last, let's say client and this little play is over soon." I know I don't do cryptically very good, but he does look a little puzzled at that.  
  
"Oh don't worry about it, I'm just here to tell you a few things you need to hear and then give you something."  
  
"And what would that be?" He raises a sceptical eyebrow and I must again remember myself not to melt or jump his sexy bones. So I take a deep breath.   
  
"Okay, let's start with the easy thing. Clark Kent. You should really stop prying into his secrets. They're not *that* interesting anyway and it will destroy the 'friendship' you have going and if you really do swing 'that way' - which I don't believe mind you - any other progress you might consider. Then there is that thing with your father. Just stop listening to the bullshit that he's letting loose, you know. I always blend the pitter patter out   
that my mother gives and listen to some good music in my head instead. The man has no clue what he's talking about and you don't need his affection or approval, honey your better than him by a long shot already!" I take a deep breath and look at him for confirmation that he is processing what I'm telling him here. Apparently he does, if the creased eyebrows and pursed lips are anything to go by. 'do not melt, you're not done yet and stop imagining him naked!'   
  
"Oh and as for your mom and that Pamela, I'm sorry you didn't get what you deserve but I'm sure both of them would be happier to know you stay on the straight and narrow than bringing your father down in his own game and thus becoming like him. You are better than this, I know it, you just have to work on it." Pep talk done I can't help myself and tell him another thing that's constantly on my mind.  
  
"Oh and I always wanted to tell you, when you do that half-smirk-raised-eyebrow-intense-look thing, you look utterly fuckable and your ass is one of the most cute things I have ever seen. You should try to show more of your sexy hide in the future. The women will melt. Anything else? Let me think…oh yeah! Stop dating these bimbos, will ya, you really should go for something with more class I have in mind a certain blonde reporter… but that's not important right now so. Now that I'm done talking, I'm gonna give you what I came here for."  
  
And he's still rooted to the spot beside his table and looks confused and absolutely lickable 'Where's redid whip and the right petition when you need it'   
  
"Okay, and what is it that you want to give me?" Oh he's still speaking, funny.  
  
"Nothing big, just going to show you how it feels to big hugged by a person that really cares. A high and absolutely crazy person, maybe. But still someone that really cares and does this from the heart, not for the press, or money or something like that." And I walk over and envelope him in my arms, crushing him to my chest and inhaling deeply. 'mhm addictive' I don't let go until I feel his arms come up hesitantly and come to rest around my waist. I smile "that's my boy" and I might have said that out loud so I continue in a low voice.  
  
"And never forget that there are more people out there who care about you, then you might think. Be a good boy, I know you can." I tighten my hold on him for a moment before I let go and give him a quick peck on the lips 'down girl, not here to jump his bones…not this time anyway.'   
  
I take a step back and give him my best charming smile. He returns it with a real one and I think I might just go through my first heart attack.  
  
"I gotta go now, don't forget what I told you and… you might go check on your old man and have a good laugh before he wakes up again." With that I turn to leave the study.  
  
"Hey, will I see you again?" I turn my head to look back at him  
  
"You can never know" I say and wink before I turn my head again and get out of the study, pulling the doors closed behind me.  
  
"You can never know." I repeat as I sit in my car and pass the sign announcing that I now leave Smallville.  
  
The End   



End file.
